3 – The Art of Denial

After finding out I had fibroids in 2005 (at the age of 23, see My First Rude Awakening), I went through a number of phases before 2007 when I eventually didn’t have a choice but to have the fibroids removed.

Let’s talk some statistics. The National Uterine Fibroids Foundation states that possibly 80% of women have fibroids and nearly 1 in 4 end up with symptoms severe enough to require treatment (http://www.nuff.org/health_statistics.htm).  That is a lot of women. Now I wonder why I only met one woman who had fibroids during the time I was seeking answers.

So, we have established that the moment I found out I had fibroids, I was determined to not have surgery and somehow God was going to heal me without surgery (see blog entry My First Rude Awakening). So, I embarked on the journey of figuring our how to shrink the fibroids. In the meantime, I didn’t consult an OB/GYN, I did a lot of other things, let’s run through them.

Shortly after finding out I had fibroids, I decided to try a homeopathic clinic in Edmonton, Alberta.  Over a few months, we started on this herbal treatment, consisting of a combination of “herbal” pills, some magnetic and electric treatments. All of which were supposed to shrink the fibroids.  Instead, the fibroids continued to grow.  Well, my job moved me to Grande Prairie, Alberta so I stopped that treatment option and moved on to another thing.

When I got to Grande Prairie, I started thinking about ways to shrink the fibroids and I am not sure if I researched this or not but I had this brilliant idea that losing weight would cause the fibroids to shrink and that eating certain foods like flax seeds would do the trick. I really enjoyed the spin classes I had been attending so I decided, if I got really fit and became a spin instructor, that should help some. So I actually went through the certification training, took courses and became official.  The gym I worked at also hired me part-time to substitute when the main spin instructors were not available. Wow, I was super fit, and I was killing it.  Guess what I didn’t do, I didn’t see an OB/GYN the year I lived in Grande Prairie, but I knew the fibroids were not shrinking, my periods got heavier, I continued to have sharp pains in my stomach and I had a protruding six-pack. I also didn’t talk to anyone about what I was doing. I didn’t think anyone else was going through the same thing.

After a year in Grande Prairie, I moved to Calgary in the Fall of 2006 and that’s when I started to see a doctor again.  The first doctor was so harsh, she said if I didn’t have surgery, it would be impossible for me to have children, I remember leaving her office in tears. I was so upset, how dare she say that I thought. She was not right to say that but I think she could see the deep denial I was in. Eventually, I switched doctors and the next doctor I saw convinced me to see an OB/GYN so they put me on a list to be referred to a specialist. In Canada, at the time, you couldn’t just call up an OB/GYN and set up an appointment.  The appointments were scheduled by the general practitioner and you had no control over who you got or when you got to see the doctor.

While I was waiting to see an OB/GYN, I decided to try acupuncture. I think I had read somewhere that acupuncture could help shrink fibroids. So, I found a clinic and the new job I had covered acupuncture procedures up to $800, that was a lot of sessions and I went for it. I do think acupuncture is a legitimate medical practice (just my opinion) but my fibroids kept growing.

Eventually, I was scheduled to see an OB/GYN and when I met him, he was a much older gentleman (white hair and all) and I thought, he must know what he is doing. So, he started talking about the surgery. He said that he would make a vertical incision in my stomach to get to the uterus. My eyes popped out of my head, I was like “vertical incision?”. After the appointment, I was so distraught, I just didn’t feel right about his plan. But we scheduled the surgery anyway.

One day, I called my parents and talked about how frustrated I was. They then told me they would ask around to see if any of their friends knew an OB/GYN in Toronto (where they lived) and if I could get a consultation. Jackpot! We found an OB/GYN who was friends with some friends and I flew to Toronto to see him. By this time it was already February/March of 2007 (two years after my diagnosis). He said that my stomach looked like I was about 16-weeks pregnant, wow! At this point, the fibroids were causing back pain because one of them was pushing on a nerve in my back. So, the doctor put me on a Lupron treatment to help shrink the fibroids some and also reduce the size of the blood vessels in the uterus which would help reduce blood loss during surgery. I had to stay on this for three months before the procedure.

I was speaking to a friend of mine today before writing this entry and she talked about how Christians sometimes tell God how He is going to heal them. We decide, this is the way we are going to be healed. We forget that Jesus used different methods even when he was here to heal people, sometimes he just spoke a word, sometimes he asked the person to do a specific task, sometimes he used mud, other times it took more than one action.  What’s my point? I had decided that I was not going to have surgery, so I went about the different routes while the fibroids became too large for safe surgery.

There are several treatment options for fibroids, I recommend discussing the options with your OB/GYN.  Start early as there are some less invasive treatment options.

One last thing, if there are so many women with fibroids (most of whom don’t know), why do some of us feel like we can’t talk about fibroids? For me, there was some shame attached to it. This is one of the reasons for Heaven Is Here blog – to take the shame out of these issues.

I’ll tell you that some people treat women with fertility issues like they failed to acquire a life skill of some sort. Also, I remember years after this when I was married, I spoke with a young lady who was so worried that if a man found out she has had a myomectomy, he wouldn’t want to marry her. All of these societal pressures cause women to retreat and suffer in silence.

If you’re reading this and you’ve felt bad about YOURSELF or blamed YOURSELF, please stop. There is nothing you did and those that don’t have it are not superior in some way. You are the MAJORITY not some scarred minority. Secondly, deal with the fibroids like you would a health issue and take the appropriate steps for your situation to get proper treatment. Lastly, fibroids can be stubborn so don’t ignore them, some fibroids have a way of getting your attention even when you choose to pretend you don’t have them.

I want to leave you with this:

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!” Ecclesiastes‬ ‭4:9-10‬ ‭ESV‬‬ http://bible.com/59/ecc.4.9-10.esv

I spent a lot of years toiling alone. As a grew older I learned that this was unhealthy. The bible says “woe to him who is alone when he falls”. Wow. Please don’t be alone in your struggle. Find a good support system to lift you up.