It was the IVF Cycle that changed my life in the most fundamental way.
Prior to this, I had taken a few months to heal both physically and emotionally from the outcome of the first IVF Cycle.
Somehow by God’s grace, I was ready to do it again. This time, I knew what to expect and I think that made me more impatient. For example, the medication schedule wasn’t printed out for me like it was the first time and I remember making a big deal about that.
Fast forward to scheduling the day of the embryo transfer. I had selected this particular Friday and there was some conflict with my doctor’s schedule and they wanted to move it. I needed it to be that day so I said let another doctor do it cause it’s got to be that day. Well, somehow my doctor made it work and he did the transfer. When you pick your transfer date they work back your treatment start date from there.
This time, unlike the first Cycle, we only transferred one embryo mainly because it was suggested by my doctor and I felt at peace with the decision. I thought well if God wants me to have twins, he can split the embryo, lol. I was secretly holding out for that outcome but now I know better.
After the transfer, the three-day bed rest starts along with progesterone shots in the buttocks. Also, they give you the ultrasound pic showing where the embryo was placed. For me, bedrest didn’t mean I couldn’t freshen up. I took a squat shower everyday and did my hair and light makeup in bed. In my head standing shower was too much exertion, who knows. I also had a setup of all my pills, snacks right by the bed so I only had to get up to use the bathroom.
I think I was glowing by the third day right, lol.
All the while I was counting down the time and trying to figure out if I felt pregnant already. To make it worse, I also had to wait to take the pregnancy test. Many people can’t wait for the official day 12 pregnancy test done by the clinic and I was one of them. 7 days after the transfer at 4:40 am, I caved in and took the test again. I was anxious and took an earlier test around day 5 and it was negative, I started kicking myself for testing too early and giving myself undue stress. I didn’t tell anyone about the negative test because although I was anxious I knew I had tested too early and didn’t want to give anyone heartache.
After the positive at-home test, I remember showing my husband the stick and he was like ofcourse you’re pregnant. What he didn’t know was that an embryo transfer does not guarantee pregnancy. Everything after the transfer is completely out of your control. Yes there are support measures put in place to assist the pregnancy but it’s just out of anybody’s control.
Somehow when I went in for the pregnancy test at the clinic, I was still anxious even though I had done a test at home. So that confirmation call from the clinic was such a relief. The nurse then asked if I transfered two embryos because the test results indicated high levels and that began the hope that somehow I was pregnant with twins again.
This part of the journey I had been through once before, I truly wanted to fast forward through the first trimester because I was nervous about bleeding and just wanted to get past the point where I had the miscarriage during the first IVF Cycle.
I did make it through the first trimester and the entire pregnancy without one drop of blood. It was the one thing I feared the most and God spared me the trauma of dealing with that.
So, when I was released from my fertility doctor to my regular OBGYN and I didn’t need shots or weekly checkups, it was a bit weird not to hear baby’s heartbeat every week. That’s a story for another day.
The entire process was a million series of casting cares on Jesus. Constantly trying to trust that everything would be just fine this time. This time, it’ll all work out I’d recite to myself every morning as I checked my pantyliner for traces of blood while feeling guilty for not having more faith.
Heaven Is Here 